Top 13 Worst Slogan Translations Ever

13) When Parker Pen marketed a ball-point pen in Mexico, its ads were supposed to have read, "It won't leak in your pocket and embarrass you." The company thought that the word "embarazar" (to impregnate) meant to embarrass, so the ad read: "It won't leak in your pocket and make you pregnant."

12) Scandinavian vacuum manufacturer Electrolux used the following in an American campaign: "Nothing Sucks like an Electrolux."

11) Clairol introduced the "Mist Stick," a curling iron, into Germany only to find out that "mist" is slang for manure. Not too many people had use for the "Manure Stick."

10) Coors put its slogan, "Turn It Loose," into Spanish, where it was read as "Suffer From Diarrhea."

9) Pepsi's "Come Alive With the Pepsi Generation" translated into "Pepsi Brings Your Ancestors Back From the Grave" in Chinese.

8) When Gerber started selling baby food in Africa, they used the same packaging as in the US, with the smiling baby on the label. Later they learned that in Africa, companies routinely put pictures on the labels of what's inside, since many people can't read.

7) Colgate introduced a toothpaste in France called Cue, the name of a notorious porno magazine.

6) Frank Perdue's chicken slogan, "It takes a strong man to make a tender chicken," was translated into Spanish as "it takes an aroused man to make a chicken affectionate."

5) When American Airlines wanted to advertise its new leather first class seats in the Mexican market, it translated its "Fly In Leather" campaign literally, which meant "Fly Naked" (vuela en cuero) in Spanish.

4) An American T-shirt maker in Miami printed shirts for the Spanish market which promoted the Pope's visit. Instead of "I saw the Pope" (el Papa), the shirts read "I Saw the Potato" (la papa).

3) The Dairy Association's huge success with the campaign "Got Milk?" prompted them to expand advertising to Mexico. It was soon brought to their attention the Spanish translation read "Are You Lactating?"

2) General Motors had a very famous fiasco in trying to market the Nova car in Central and South America. "No va" in Spanish means, "It Doesn't Go".

1) The Coca-Cola name in China was first read as "Kekoukela", meaning "Bite the Wax Tadpole" or "Female Horse Stuffed with Wax", depending on the dialect. Coke then researched 40,000 characters to find a phonetic equivalent "kokoukole", translating into "Happiness in the Mouth."

The top 10 unintentionally worst company URLs

1. A site called ‘Who Represents‘ where you can find the name of the agent that represents a celebrity. Their domain name… wait for it… is
www.whorepresents.com

2. Experts Exchange, a knowledge base where programmers can exchange advice and views at
www.expertsexchange.com

3. Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island at
www.penisland.net

4. Need a therapist? Try Therapist Finder at
www.therapistfinder.com

5. Then of course, there’s the Italian Power Generator company…
www.powergenitalia.com

6. And now, we have the Mole Station Native Nursery, based in New South Wales:
www.molestationnursery.com

7. If you’re looking for computer software, there’s always
www.ipanywhere.com

8. Welcome to the First Cumming Methodist Church. Their website is
www.cummingfirst.com

9. Then, of course, there’s these brainless art designers, and their whacky website:
www.speedofart.com

10. Want to holiday in Lake Tahoe? Try their brochure website at
www.gotahoe.com

Top 10 Worst Things To Say at a Funeral

10.  Hey! Did I just see the dead guy move?

9. Hey, this is the first time Grandpa's been stiff in twenty years!

8. The sonofabitch is lucky he's dead. He still owes me twenty bucks!

7.  (to children) Be quiet or we'll bury you with him.

6.  I'll trade you the clock I inherited for the golf clubs you inherited.

5.  I don't really know him/her. I'm just here for the free food afterwards.

4.  It's about time. I was getting sick of her whining.

3.  Is this service over yet? I'm gonna miss the hockey game.

2.  (to Pastor performing service) So, this is what your God does, eh? Kill people and break up families? Tell me... Why do you continue to worship him? He sounds like an asshole.

1.  (to widow) Well, you're officially single now. Whatcha doin' Friday night?

Top 10 things not to say to your teacher

10. “Of course I'm not listening to you. Don't be so ridiculous.”

9. “Wow! I saw your pics on this site that required by dad's credit card”.

8. "Why did I get a D and Timmy get an A when he copied mine!"

7. "What are you gonna do? Fail me?"

6. “Oh! I had no idea they'd moved the age of retirement up a few years.”

5. “It's not my fault, honestly. The Bunsen Burner just took on a life of its own.”

4. “You don't really expect me to waste my time on this, do you? The Simpsons are on.”

3. “Of course I'm eligible for LCVP. I'm the most eligible bachelor here!”

2. “But I thought that ‘Higher' level maths meant we were supposed to bring LSD to class.”

1. “I left it at home. No, really. It's lying on my desk at home right now. Seriously.”

Things You Don't Want to Overhear Over an Airline P.A. System

1. Ocean crossing flight: This is your Captain speaking, I just wanted to take this time to remind you that your seat cushions can be used as floatation devices.

2. Hey folks, were going to play a little game of geography trivia. If you can recognize where we are, tell your flight attendant and receive an extra pack of peanuts.

3. Our loss of altitude allows a unique close up perspective of the local terrain. I assure you that it's all part of our airlines new commitment to make your a flight a sight seeing extravaganza.

4. Goose! Bogey at 2 o'clock....one on our tail!!!! Eject!!!! Eject!!!!!!!

5. Ummmmmm....Sorry......(silence)

6. (As the plane turns around right after takeoff)....uhhhhh....we have to go back .... we..we ....uhhhhhh ....forgot something.....

7. I'm sure everyone’s noticed the loss of an engine, however the reduction in weight and drag will mean we'll be flying much more efficiently now. (This is actually true for prop aircraft!)

8. Fasten your seatbelt. (same tone your friend with the suicidal driving tendencies uses when you get in the car)

9. This is your Captain speaking....these dang planes are a lot different than the ships I'm used to… so you'll have to give me some leeway......

10. It would be a good idea if right now everyone closed their shades
and watched the in-flight movie.

11. We've now reached our cruising altitude of 20,000 feet and Oh, no!

12. Don't worry that one is always on E...

13. Get the parachutes ready...

14. Drinks are on me ... or I'll have what the Captain's having.

Top 21 Things Not to Say When Pulled Over by the Cops

21. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.

20. Sorry officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.

19. Aren't you the guy from the village people?

18. Hey, you must have been doing 125 to keep up with me, good job.

17. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical shape to be a police
officer.

16. I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.

15. Bad cop. No donut.

14. You're not going to check the trunk, are you?

13. Gee, that gut sure doesn't inspire confidence.

12. Didn't I see you get your butt kicked on cops?

11. Wow, you look just like the guy in the picture on my girlfriends night stand.

10. Is it true that people become cops because they are too dumb to work at McDonalds.

9. I pay your salary.

8. So uh, you on the take or what?

7. Gee officer, that's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning.

6. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.

5. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there is no other cars around, that's how far they are ahead of me.

4. What do you mean have I been drinking? You are the trained specialist.

3. Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off of my lap and got lodged between the brake and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.

2. Hey, is that a 9mm? That's nothing compared to this 44 magnum.

1. Hey, can you give me another one of those full body cavity searches?

Top 10 Things Not to Say When Picking Up Your Date

10. "Now.. show me how you used to spank her."

9. "Do you think she would put out if I told her that I loved her?"

8. "I just got my license today."

7. "Five bucks says she's a D-cup."

6. "You taught her to swallow, didn't you?"

5. "So, does your wife just lay there during sex too?"

4. "Hi. I'm Robert, but my friends call me 'Back Door Bob.'"

3. "I believe being sexually active since I was 12 has helped me mature."

2. "Please come inside? Wow, you sound just like your daughter."

1. "I feel like we both have something in common, she calls ME daddy too!

Top 10 Lame excuses for Speeding

10. The only way I could demonstrate my faulty clutch was to accelerate madly.

9. There was a suspected case of foot and mouth and I had to rush to see the cow concerned.

8. A violent sneeze caused a chain reaction where my foot pushed down harder on the accelerator.

7. I had to rush my dying hamster to the vets.

6. The vibrations from the surfboard I had on the roof rack set off the camera.

5. Strong wind behind my car pushed me over the limit.

4. My friend had just chopped his fingers off and I was rushing the fingers to hospital.

3. I was in the airport's flight path and I believe the camera was triggered by a jet overhead, not my car

2. I had passed out after seeing flashing lights, which I believed to be UFOs in the distance. The flash of the camera brought me round from my trance.

1. True story. A Swiss man was caught speeding on a Canadian highway and he said “I was taking an advantage of the ability to go faster without risking hitting a goat".

Top 10 Lame excuses for being late

o10. I am caught in some kind of space-time continuum loop and I am reliving Sunday. As soon as I reverse polarity I will be in work late (or maybe early).

9. I dreamed that I was fired, so I didn't bother to get out of bed.

8. The dog ate my car keys.

7. I thought it was a holiday.

6. I saw an old lady playing a computer game and I just have to help her get a level up.

5. I stopped for a bagel sandwich, the store was robbed and the police required everyone to stay for questioning.

4. A bee flew in my car and attacked me and I had to pull over.

3. I dreamed about a hockey match and it was overtime.

2. Actually, in many cultures being late is a sign of great respect. I think our culture is too time oriented, don't you?

1. The power went out and I didn't have batteries in my alarm clock.

Top 10 Worst way to Break up

10. Send a text message or and email “It’s over” 10 times, to be sure she or he got it.

9. Message on a machine “I want to tell everyone that I’m breaking up with Ashley, so girls you can finally leave your message here after…”

8. “Bob, on this Merry Christmas card I want to say that I’ve never considered you as a boyfriend anyway, let’s just be friends again.”

7. “It’s not me, it’s you… I mean, it’s not you, it’s me. Okay, who am I kidding, of course it’s you.”

6. “I’m becoming a Jehovah's Witness, so I couldn't date outside my religion anymore”.

5. “I’m in love with your best friend, so I guess we won’t come on your birthday today. Sorry”.

4. Baseball game. Big screen. “Sarah, will you break up with me?”

3. “Honey, the last 10 years were amazing, but I don't want to spend next 10 with you. I know mother’s day is coming, so don’t tell our kids yet.

2. “Dear Marry, I posted this video on youtube, because you were a terrible lover. Jenny, come on in, let’s show Marry how to do it.”

1. At the funeral “Me and your twin-sister kind of, you know…, and I’m really sorry about your dad, that car accident wasn’t totally my fault.”

Top 10 Worst things you can say on your First Date

10. “You know my ex-girlfriend didn’t liked my dad, who raped me when I was 14. She even thought that’s weird.”

9. “Sorry for asking, are you pregnant?”

8. “My imaginary friend likes you too”.

7. “I’m just so tired of dating prostitutes and strippers, they was too hot for me, so I decided to give you a try.”

6. “Are you sure we’ve never met before? Oh, I see it now; perhaps I dated your sister with that big noise.”

5. “I just got out of jail, could you pay that bill?”

4. “You’re so beautiful; you look just like my mom! I wanted to bring her today, but unfortunately she couldn’t come.”

3. “You want to have sex? Great, just checking, is it for free?”

2. “Will you marry me? No? I’m gonna kill these voices in my head.”

1. “I love you. Where are you going?”

Top 10 worst ways of proposing

10. Phone, chat room, text message or email. “You want to see this movie again? Okay, by the way will you marry me?”

9. If you give her a box and she sees that it’s empty. And you are saying “just pretend that the ring is in here”. P.S. paper ring also doesn’t work. You can always buy the “real” ring for 5 bucks or so. That way you can replace it later, if you want to of course.

8. Asking the bride's father first will be a mistake. “I wanted to ask your blessing, sir.” “She really said “yes” to you?” “Actually I wasn’t talking to her yet, but…” “Oh, thank God”

7. Asking your best friend to convey the message will be a disaster. “Yeah… and Bob said something about proposing, you want to?” “What?” “So that “what” is like “yes” or “hell no”?”

6. McDonalds way. “Hey, what’s that in your hamburger?”

5. If she is really busy and tired or in a bad mood. And you say “I know that I’m not perfect and you’re not perfect, but seriously I don’t think we can do better, so let’s just...”

4. If you’re saying something like this “You know a lot of girls waiting in a line and they ready to take your place, anyway are you in?”

3. “You are the most beautiful women I’ve ever seen and I really want to get old with you. Kelly, will you marry me? “My name is Molly!” “Potato, potato, so will you?”.

2. Proposing in a public place like a stadium or on TV, for example like Jerry Springer show. “Honey will you marry me?” “Yes, but I need to tell you a little secret, actually I was a man”.

1. You’re with another women, and your girlfriend just came in. And you say “Honey, it’s not what you think. I love you. Really! I can prove it. Will you marry me?”

And remember if you planned every second of that as you call it “proposing day” for almost a year. You reserved a restaurant where you had your first date, bought several thousands of her favorite flowers for each day you was together. And you even got two tickets, so you will be proposing in Paris, spent your one year’s salary for the ring and it’s Christmas time. It’s too perfect. What’s wrong with that? I’m gonna tell you, just don’t waste her time, you’re gay.