1.The Code of Ethics for Lawyers
2.The Australian Book of Foreplay
3.The Book of Motivated Postal Workers
4.Americans' Guide to Etiquette
5.The World Guide to Good American Beer
6.Royal Family's Guide to Good Marriages
7.Safe Places to Travel in the USA
8.Bill Clinton: A Portrait of Integrity
9.Jerry Garcia's Guide to Beating Drug Addiction
10.Contraception by Pope John Paul II
11.Cooking Gourmet Dishes With Tofu
12.The Complete Guide to Catholic Sex
13.The Wit and Wisdom of Dan Quayle.
14.Consumer Marketing Ethics
15.Al Gore: The Wild Years
16.America's Most Popular Lawyers
17.Career Opportunities for History Majors
18.Detroit - A Travel Guide
19.Dr. Kevorkian's Collection of Motivational Speeches
20.Easy UNIX
21.Everything Men Know about Women
22.George Foreman's Big Book of Baby Names
23.Mike Tyson's Guide to Dating Etiquette
24.The Amish Phone Book
25.Great Women Drivers Of Today
26.Beauty Secrets by Janet Reno
27.Home Built Airplanes by John Denver
28.How To Get To The Super Bowl by Dan Marino
29.Things I Love About Bill by Hillary Clinton
30.My Life's Memories by Ronald Reagan
31.Things I Can't Afford by Bill Gates
32.Things I Would Not Do For Money by Dennis Rodman
33.The Wild Years by Al Gore
34.Amelia Earhart's Guide To The Pacific
35.America's Most Popular Lawyers
36.All The Men I've Loved Before by Ellen DeGeneres
37.Spotted Owl Recipes by the Sierra Club
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
37 world’s smallest books
Monday, July 7, 2008
30 signs that technology has taken over your life
1. Your stationery is more cluttered than Warren Beatty’s address book. The letterhead lists a fax number, e-mail addresses for two on-line services, and your Internet address, which spreads across the breadth of the letterhead and continues to the back. In essence, you have conceded that the first page of any letter you write *is* letterhead.
2. You have never sat through an entire movie without having at least one device on your body beep or buzz.
3. You need to fill out a form that must be typewritten, but you can’t because there isn’t one typewriter in your house — only computers with laser printers.
4. You think of the gadgets in your office as “friends,” but you forget to send your father a birthday card.
5. You disdain people who use low baud rates.
6. When you go into a computer store, you eavesdrop on a salesperson talking with customers — and you butt in to correct him and spend the next twenty minutes answering the customers’ questions, while the salesperson stands by silently, nodding his head.
7. You use the phrase “digital compression” in a conversation without thinking how strange your mouth feels when you say it.
8. You constantly find yourself in groups of people to whom you say the phrase “digital compression.” Everyone understands what you mean, and you are not surprised or disappointed that you don’t have to explain it.
9. You know Bill Gates’ e-mail address, but you have to look up your own social security number.
10. You stop saying “phone number” and replace it with “voice number,” since we all know the majority of phone lines in any house are plugged into contraptions that talk to other contraptions.
11. You sign Christmas cards by putting next to your signature.
12. Off the top of your head, you can think of nineteen keystroke symbols that are far more clever than :-).
13. You back up your data every day.
14. Your wife asks you to pick up some minipads for her at the store and you return with a rest for your mouse.
15. You think jokes about being unable to program a VCR are stupid.
16. On vacation, you are reading a computer manual and turning the pages faster than everyone else who is reading John Grisham novels.
17. The thought that a CD could refer to finance or music rarely enters your mind.
18. You are able to argue persuasively the Ross Perot’s phrase “electronic town hall” makes more sense than the term “information superhighway,” but you don’t because, after all, the man still uses hand-drawn pie charts.
19. You go to computer trade shows and map out your path of the exhibit hall in advance. But you cannot give someone directions to your house without looking up the street names.
20. You would rather get more dots per inch than miles per gallon.
21. You become upset when a person calls you on the phone to sell you something, but you think it’s okay for a computer to call and demand that you start pushing buttons on your telephone to receive more information about the product it is selling.
22. You know without a doubt that disks come in five-and-a- quarter-and three-and-a-half-inch sizes.
23. Al Gore strikes you as an “intriguing” fellow.
24. You own a set of itty-bitty screw-drivers and you actually know where they are.
25. While contemporaries swap stories about their recent hernia surgeries, you compare mouse-induced index-finger strain with a nine-year-old.
26. You are so knowledgeable about technology that you feel secure enough to say “I don’t know” when someone asks you a technology question instead of feeling compelled to make something up.
27. You rotate your screen savers more frequently than your automobile tires.
28. You have a functioning home copier machine, but every toaster you own turns bread into charcoal.
29. You have ended friendships because of irreconcilably different opinions about which is better — the track ball or the track *pad*.
30. You understand all the jokes in this message. If so, my friend, technology has taken over your life. We suggest, for your own good, that you go lie under a tree and write a haiku. And don’t use a laptop.
Sunday, July 6, 2008
Top 10 signs your company is going to downsize
1. Company Softball Team is converted to a Chess Club.
2. Dr.Kevorkian is hired as an “Outplacement Coordinator”.
3. Your best looking women in Marketing are suddenly very friendly with the dorky Personnel Manager.
4. The beer supplied by the Company at picnics is Schlitz.
5. Weekly yard/bake sale at Corporate Headquarters.
6. Company President now driving a Ford Escort.
7. Annual Company Holiday Bash moved from the Sheraton to the local Taco Bell.
8. Employee discount days at the local “Army & Navy Surplus Store” are discontinued.
9. Dental plan now consists of a Company supplied kit (String, pliers and 2 aspirin).
10. Your CEO has installed a dart board in his office marked with all existing departments in the Company.
Saturday, July 5, 2008
12 things men know
Men know that Mother Nature’s best aphrodisiac is still a naked woman.
Men know that PMS is Mother Nature’s way of telling you to get out of the house.
Men know that if she looks like your mother, run.
Men know that there are at least three sides to every story: His, hers, and the truth.
Men know never to run away from a fight that you know you can win.
Men know how to change the toilet paper, but to do so would ruin the game.
Men know exactly how much gas is left in the tank and how far that gas will get them.
Men know that from time to time, it is absolutely necessary to adjust oneself.
Men know that a woman will wear a low-cut dress and expect the man to stare at her cleavage. Men also know that the woman will get ticked off when they do, for reasons not totally clear to them.
Men know that there is no such thing as a sure thing, unless her name is Bambi.
Men know that it’s never a good idea to tell your father-in-law how good his daughter is in bed.
Men know that men are from here, and women are from way the hell over there.
Friday, July 4, 2008
Top 17 Headlines of 2050
1. Plague of Spotted Owls Threaten Crops, Livestock
2. Texas Executes Last Remaining Citizen
3. Florida to Be Readmitted to Union
3. Great and Benevolent Galactic Ruler Reveals That Anal Probes Were “Just For Fun”
4. Mother Monica Dies: Revered Hero of Bangkok Slums Overcame Lurid Past With US President
5. Construction Begins On Grenada War Memorial In D.C.
6. Cody, Cassidy Gifford Elude Authorities. Drug-Crazed Crime Spree Continues
7. President “Bonecrusher” Jones to Face Chief Justice “Mad Dog” Ortega In Cage Match
8. Pope Phil II Settles Custody Battle With Ex-Wife
9. Upcoming NFL Draft Likely to Focus On Mutants
10. Younger Generation’s Music Provokes Outrage of Elders
11. D.C. Zoo to Receive Rare Cow
12. Authentic Year 2000 Chad Sells For $6.9 Million at Sotheby’s
13. Nursing Home Lawsuit Case: Clinton Denies Candy Striper’s Allegations
14. Court Clears AOLTimeWarnerGE-DisneyCiscoFordRJR-NabiscoExxon-Mobil of Monopoly Charges
15. 50-Year Study: Diet and Exercise Key to Weight Loss
16. Baby Conceived Naturally
17. It Wasn’t the Cigarettes - It Was the Ashtrays
Thursday, July 3, 2008
Top 10 signs you have eaten too much
1. You ate the turkey, the pop-up thermometer and the plastic net.
2. Last thing you remember is positioning your open mouth behind a dump truck full of yams.
3. All your silverware is worn down to tiny stumps.
4. While picking your teeth, you dislodge an angry construction worker.
5. Strangers keep addressing you as “Mr. President”.
6. This morning, the display on your bathroom scale read “Good Lord!”.
7. You now have an ass the size of Plymouth Rock.
8. People keep looking at you and saying, “I thought the Macy’s Parade was over”.
9. Your relatives can’t go home because they’re stuck in your gravitational field.
10. You’re sweating gravy, my friend!
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
Top 10 Worst Things To Say at a Funeral
10. Hey! Did I just see the dead guy move?
9. Hey, this is the first time Grandpa's been stiff in twenty years!
8. The sonofabitch is lucky he's dead. He still owes me twenty bucks!
7. (to children) Be quiet or we'll bury you with him.
6. I'll trade you the clock I inherited for the golf clubs you inherited.
5. I don't really know him/her. I'm just here for the free food afterwards.
4. It's about time. I was getting sick of her whining.
3. Is this service over yet? I'm gonna miss the hockey game.
2. (to Pastor performing service) So, this is what your God does, eh? Kill people and break up families? Tell me... Why do you continue to worship him? He sounds like an asshole.
1. (to widow) Well, you're officially single now. Whatcha doin' Friday night?
